life is crap

ok, i almost did a very bad thing today. i have a gun very handy, and it almost became too handy if you get what i mean. however, reason won out on me. i cant just leave my daughter like that. so i ended up calling me dad >.< just got to bad today. figured he should know how im doing. i told him andrew was leaving, he paused and said 'leaving you?' yes dad lol leaving me. almost made me laugh at him when he said that. then my dad, after asking a few more questions asked me one of the sweetest things hes ever asked. he said "what do you want me to do??". i was already crying, but for a second there the tears where kinda happy ones. i asked what he meant and he said, you want me to kick him out, beat him up, bitch him out, etc, what do you want. some days its really nice to be daddys lil girl. i mean, i got a little sister, but ive always been the 'apple of his eye' kinda sick sorta phrase especially considering the sick men out there today, but it fits. my dad was pissed when i got pregnant, but after tamara was born he was the second most proudest man out there, like tamara was his baby instead of his grandbaby. and altho dads never been good with kids under 13, he absolutely ADORES tamara. well, dad and andrew talked it out.
ok i just had a thought, i know, im giving you the blow by blow, and this is personal shit, but wtf, i need to just talk, even if it is online ya know? ok continuing on.
i have no clu exactly what was said, however andrew did let dad know i almost killed myself. so, my dad is coming home w/in the next few days, and he said, 'ill be home in a few days, i wanna see you when i get there ok?' btw, i am not one of those girls who still look pretty when they cry. i get all red, blotchy, eyes and lips get swollen, and when you cry, besides tears is the goobers. yea, not a pretty sight. wierd thing to be thinking about then, but w/e it happens lol.
so like 2 minutes after i get off the phone with my dad, my uncle calls. dad called him, and i swear, if he hadnt been at work, he would have driven the 90 minutes it takes to get here from his house. instead i talked to him on the phone, him letting me know they are there, if i need to get away from andrew, if i need baby sitters, people to talk to at 3am. those people who you know you can talk to at 3am. i dont know why, but knowing that you can just makes you feel better.
however, i have counseling tomorrow, oh, me and andrew have, at least temporarily worked it out, and im gonna have to tell her about today. andrew almost made me go to the hospital over today. if you ever feel like i felt today, call someone, anyone, maybe your mom, or you dad if you got a good enuf relationship, or your best friend. just call someone. if at any later date they find out why you called, you cant imagine how.... grateful they will feel that in your worst time, you biggest moment of need, you called them. and unless they are a complete blockhead, they will know somethings up. i, unfortunately, forgot this.
so dads gonna come home ina couple of days, and, since i havent been able to get ahold of him since he called my uncle, i cant let him know that andrew is not to be kicked out. i did leave him a message.
any suggestions onhow to block out stress. stop worrying, dont become such a big bitch about things you cant help? theyd be greatly apreciated. im a worrier by nature, and my problems keep getting worse b/c i cant stop thinking about them. even when i read. suggestions, ideas, even wierd ones, would be helpful.