good news!
i just saved a bunch of money by switching to geico. ok, not really, but it popped into my head the second i made the title lol. finally, after months of delays, i got the tickets thing from way back in november, when we were rear ended, figured out. got the no insurance one gone, and a 700 fine for the driving on suspended license. i didnt know it at the time. but, w/e fate has decided to hate me lol. but today, i went to springfield, filed an SR-22, and now i get to drive again!!! no more having to ask people to take me to store, or pick me up so we can hang out lol.
we all took andrews mom out for birthday supper tonight, and andrew was so tired, he had stayed up for over 24 hours now, that i drove home for him. hes decided, that since hes gotten his license back, he doesnt like being driven around anymore, but he was appreciative of me driving home tonight. we got home and he crashed. door --> bed --> sleep in less than 2 minutes lol.
saw my counselor today, told her EVERYTHING, cause see, i see no reason to keep shit from her. shes there to help me fix my problems, but if she dont know wtf is going on, she wont be able to do it right. and i want this done right. she was actually very glad/proud that i told her about almost taking my life. and honestly, i really didnt want to tell her, i could have skipped that part altogether, but i figured if she knows how low i am, she can know what to expect and whatnot.
also, on the weight loss, she suggested baby steps. not whole meals, or bigger meals. just, 1 or 2 extra bites every meal. and to keep foods at home that i can snack on at any given time. right now quantity is more important than quality. never thought id actually say that. also, since i never got a call from the ED clinic(eating disorder) that my doc's office was sposed to refer me to, shes going to as well. i told her only reason i hadnt called them myself was that i wasnt sure if the root problem was my depression and if it was i wanted to fix that first. she said they have a tendency to tie hand in hand. and that i can take care of both at once, and at the clinic they will not only help with the ED, but also with depression issues. and honestly, i dont think meds will help, i think this is life, emotions, and circumstances, not a chemicall imbalance. and i really dont wanna take antidepression drugs. they have too many side effects and my life is crazy enuf as is, i dont need any more aches, pains, and funny feelings.
ya know, talking to someone that is basically a complete stranger sounds completely wacked. even to me and im the one doing the counseling, but honestly, its made me feel better. like, maybe, this is a wierd analogy but w/e, im lancing a festering wound. hurts like hell when you cut it open, but it feels better faster this way, ya know? if i ever get any friends who are new mommies, im gonna watch them like a hawk. an unobtrusive one, but hawk nonetheless. and when my baby grows up, im not gonna let her suffer thru depression alone if she ever... comes down with it. hmm its not a perfect way to say it, but it is a disease/illness.
i know, i yap on and on. but like i said, blabbing to strangers, especially ones you never have to see face to face is kinda... relaxing, relief, hmm i am having total brain farts tonight lol. cant think of half the words i wanna use.
so anys, i just wanted to let ya know i got good news today, and it makes me feel... better. fuck the big words lol.
and thanx adrienne(did i spell it right? i went on memory) for your support and prayers.
we all took andrews mom out for birthday supper tonight, and andrew was so tired, he had stayed up for over 24 hours now, that i drove home for him. hes decided, that since hes gotten his license back, he doesnt like being driven around anymore, but he was appreciative of me driving home tonight. we got home and he crashed. door --> bed --> sleep in less than 2 minutes lol.
saw my counselor today, told her EVERYTHING, cause see, i see no reason to keep shit from her. shes there to help me fix my problems, but if she dont know wtf is going on, she wont be able to do it right. and i want this done right. she was actually very glad/proud that i told her about almost taking my life. and honestly, i really didnt want to tell her, i could have skipped that part altogether, but i figured if she knows how low i am, she can know what to expect and whatnot.
also, on the weight loss, she suggested baby steps. not whole meals, or bigger meals. just, 1 or 2 extra bites every meal. and to keep foods at home that i can snack on at any given time. right now quantity is more important than quality. never thought id actually say that. also, since i never got a call from the ED clinic(eating disorder) that my doc's office was sposed to refer me to, shes going to as well. i told her only reason i hadnt called them myself was that i wasnt sure if the root problem was my depression and if it was i wanted to fix that first. she said they have a tendency to tie hand in hand. and that i can take care of both at once, and at the clinic they will not only help with the ED, but also with depression issues. and honestly, i dont think meds will help, i think this is life, emotions, and circumstances, not a chemicall imbalance. and i really dont wanna take antidepression drugs. they have too many side effects and my life is crazy enuf as is, i dont need any more aches, pains, and funny feelings.
ya know, talking to someone that is basically a complete stranger sounds completely wacked. even to me and im the one doing the counseling, but honestly, its made me feel better. like, maybe, this is a wierd analogy but w/e, im lancing a festering wound. hurts like hell when you cut it open, but it feels better faster this way, ya know? if i ever get any friends who are new mommies, im gonna watch them like a hawk. an unobtrusive one, but hawk nonetheless. and when my baby grows up, im not gonna let her suffer thru depression alone if she ever... comes down with it. hmm its not a perfect way to say it, but it is a disease/illness.
i know, i yap on and on. but like i said, blabbing to strangers, especially ones you never have to see face to face is kinda... relaxing, relief, hmm i am having total brain farts tonight lol. cant think of half the words i wanna use.
so anys, i just wanted to let ya know i got good news today, and it makes me feel... better. fuck the big words lol.
and thanx adrienne(did i spell it right? i went on memory) for your support and prayers.
posted by Ahleyanna @ 9:53 PM
2 Comments:
At 11:37 PM,
Adrienne said…
sigh---im relieved things are looking more positive for you. you are lucky to have a counselor. me.. i choose the antidepressants for now:)
im still intrigued about your relationship with andrew. why so hot/cold? is it just too much to deal with now? sorry im just nosy!
At 7:50 AM,
Oreo said…
Ahleyanna, I just recently found out about your blog, but you seem to have known about mine for quite some time. apparently you comment on a few of my friends blogs and they started asking me if I knew who you were. When I read you blog, I knew exactly who you were. It took me a long time, lots or counselling, and a few really good cries to stop hating the both of you for what you did. The hardest part was admitting that I still care about you. You and I really did hit it off in the beginning and I hate that we never had the chance to get past it. I know forst hand what kind of person Andrew can be, and I'm sorry that he is doing the same shit to you. Only worse. I was lucky/unlucky enough to lose the child we created, but you will have to live with Tamara for the rest of your life. I learned the hard way you cannot make a man grow up. Don't do things the way I had to. He will never change. I know you will find this hard to believe, but I've been praying for you. I've been praying so hard that Andrew would make a better father for Tamara than he was a husband for you.
when I read your post from Valentine's day, I wanted to cry. He useed to do the same thing to me every year. But you need to look past the things he does on those "special days" and look at how he behaves on the not so special days. Is he still as affectionate? Does he still want to talk to you for hours? Does he still does those sappy sweet things he used to? Don't get caught in the trap. Remember what happened to me. Don't wait until you become ugly inside to get out. Stay as beautiful on the inside as you once were on the outside. I know this is a bit personal to write in a comment, but I have no other way to contact you. You know how to contact me, so feel free to do so. On a side note, next time you see his mother, tell her Happy Birthday and I do still love her and the rest of them like family. Losing them hurt more than losing him.
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