Work

OK, so i started work this week. my first time working(tamara not included) in over a year. i have hardly slept at all this week. i have to run all over the place. taking andrews mom to work, tamara to babysitter, and andrew to work, then finally, myself. then after 8 hrs of working, i get to do all that running again. come home, occupy tamara till andrew gets dinner made(since he wont occupy her) feed her, bathe her, put her to bed.(maybe feed myself at the same time i feed her, if im lucky) then, maybe, get an hour to do something. usually it involves cleaning. theresa dont help, andrew dont help, tamara sure as hell dont help, shes only 1 yr old. i dont mind her tho. so, i get 1 hr free of people, and i cant even do anything to wind myself down, i HAVE to clean. can only go so long w/o doing the dishes ya know? let me tell you, i feel as tired now as i did when i first had tamara. i cant even go to counseling now, b/c of work. well, my free time is up. i gtg to bed now

sleep? wtf is that?!

its amazing how i can go from a happy high one day to the complete opposite the next. i swear the world/god(s)/fate/life/wtfever hates me. i have enuf issues with sleeping w/o ANY other variables brought into play. first off ima night owl, i stay up late w/o even thinking about it. give me 3 days and ive got my sleep schedule all fucktified and im awake all night. ive been trying to fix my sleep schedule for like 3 weeks now. but i have no assistance with tamara, so it aint been happenening. so, i stay up till 2-3 in the morning, if not later, and get up whenever munchkin gets up. getting less, and less, and less, and less sleep. slowly, but surely, wearing myself out. well, im sposed to go to work tomorrow, and damned if andrew didnt wake ME up to take care of a dirty diaper. hes not working yet, hes stayin up till 5 OR LATER in the morning, and he wont take care of a fucking diaper. so yea, its now 230 in the morning, i FINALLY got myself to sleep after 1am, and he wakes me up around 2 to take care of this stupid diaper. its not tamaras fault she poopied, im glad b/c sometimes shes got issues with it. and now im WIDE FUCKING AWAKE, i have to be up to be to work on time in less than 4 hours. not to mention the fact that im sposed to drop tamara off at grandmas for babysitting.(so andrew dont have to) i was not particularly looking forward to working, but i was a little bit excited. but now....... all the excitement is gone and im just exhausted, wide awake, and seriously pissed off. i get told by dad, go to sleep. get told by andrew, go to sleep. i tried. it aint happening. so i get to go to work on about 45 minutes of sleep tomorrow. hopefully i do ok, not to mention the car ride. its not like i can call in.

YAY

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday Dear Tamara! Happy birthday to you!

Hip Hip HURRAY! My little miss Tamara is now a year old. WTF happened to this year? i mean, omg, it feels like just yesterday she was learning how to crawl, and a week ago i gave birth. makes me wonder how fast the next 5 years are gonna go.

She got lots of new summer clothes. purrty dresses and shorts and skirts and tops. can you believe shes already in the 18-24 month clothes? She's a big girl, already 1/2 my height. she also got(of course) some noise maker toys. My grandma got her some instrument-like hand toys. bells and tamborines and whatnot, my mom got her a pooh bear telephone thats gonna get annoying as hell, i just know it, but TamTam seems to absolutely adore it(go figure), and my Aunt got her that new hallmark singing bunny. RockingRabbit. it plays the tune of rocking robin, but with eastery words to it. tamara kept trying to take the birdy outa the egg lol. She also got some more(not many, but a few) stuffed animals.

She also had her smash cake. thats the name for a babies 1st birthday cake. you know, the one they get to mush, smash, squish, and bury hands and/or face in. well, she looked like she had a chocolate mask on. it was everywhere lol. So she got a bath, then nap time(she went RIGHT down) and then all the adults got to visit. so it was a very good day. tiring, but still good. And my awsum guests didnt hardly make any mess at all ^^.

on a different, and more sobering side note, i start work on monday. i get to file peoples medical files at a new office. i am, but yet, im not looking foward to it. ah well, lifes life. i gotta do what i gotta do to support my baby girl. andrew is also gettin work. he starts on thursday. boy am i gonna miss my little girl whilst im am away at work. but at least now we will be able to do more than just survive. surviving sux.

Wish us luck at our new jobs ^^

OMG OMG OMG!

im so EXCITED! Tamara's birthday is almost here. just 2 more days, then shes ONE WHOLE YEAR OLD!!! and then on saturday we have her birthday. hopefully all the family here doesnt spazz her out too bad.

i finally got her to leave the 1 inch safety mommy zone outside today. i been trying to get her to explore outside, so i can do a little work w/o having her hanging on me, or worse, stuck in the house lol. but every time i would bring her outside she'd freak out if i moved away from her at all. so today, and the other day, i just sat with her on a blanket. not moving, letting her stare at everything outside and hold on to me at the same time. well today she finally let go of me. stayed easily w/in arms reach of me, but had let go. occasionally reaching around to make sure i was still there lol. then all of a sudden she crawls over to the edge of the blanket. im all afraid to move, afraid she might see my moving as me moving AWAY. so she stayed there lookin at the grass for like 5 minutes, holding on to her blanket. after about 5 minutes(previously stated) she comes over to me for like, a cursory hug, then shambles along on her way right offa the blanket about 5-10 feet away from me lol. i was so happy i nearly shouted(happy that she was comfortable enuf to leave my immediate presence) she then proceeded to pick up every leaf, stick, twig, and peice of grass she could get her little fingers on and proceed to put them in her mouth. so tomorrow, again, outside time, yay.

also, update on the ants. i poisoned the little fuckers!!! >:-) i know, im evil. they deserved to die. but i got rid of them. some boric acid, some powdered suger, add some water, presto change yummy ant food(poison) ^^ after 2 days of swarming it, they stopped coming back, and they havent been back since. im so happy. finally miss munchkin can wander the house w/o me having to make sure there are no ants in her line of sight. happy days all together^^

totally hilarious

so, andrew was reading something on his computer this morning. i wasnt paying any attention, he usually reads the news, and the news is mostly boring. but he told me i HAD to read this blog. so im like, ok fine, blogs usually arent too stupid.

now, on a side note, sorta, i play FFXI(final fantasy XI) a MMORPG, if you dont play them, this blog prolly wont make much sense, altho it will still be funny. if however, you DO play mmorpgs, especially ffxi, you are not gonna be able to stop laughing. im only 3 days into this blog, and already my side is killing me lol.

ok, so here it is, enjoy, and maybe gimme some feedback. ^^

on a completely different story, tamara just got her first chocolate chip cookie today. needless to say, the chocolate is all over her face lol. shes so adorable ^^ ^^